Living

You cruel bright thing who plays with time And shamelessly kindles hope without consequence For the birds chirping feeds the fire That today is the first day of new beginnings You rob me the luxury of dilemmas And push me to choose the hard path The moment the sun touches my feet I have to accept the reality of what has to be done You break the resolve of a disgruntled lover For she forgets the strife of the night before Only to roll over and smile at his face and turn the bitterness for another do-over You wake me up with joy from the night before Only to deny me the sorrow of a lost mother For you force relentlessly, nothing but rejoicing I wish you never were, Oh you evil blessed Morning!

In the darkness of the night I sit by my bedside upright There is never a moment of peace Or the time that I can take on lease All it would have taken is a no Had I decided then to be a hero Never again I tell myself forever But all had said yes, to work together I sit in the silence once again Ignoring the time and the pain My hands move but my mind is numb Oh how I wish help would one day come All the time I lie, say it's learning Hoping one day it will affect my earning My body feels betrayed, my feelings have fled Onwards I will move, till I have bled But in the brightness of the morning sky Am i just lucky to welcome every sunrise Am I sighing looking at nature's beauty Or is it just the burden of the day ahead of me

 You are stronger The 3rd day...the 11th day...the 40th day They understood the tears, the pain, the inertia Old memories deliberated, a life was celebrated With promises to cherish her treasured paraphernalia Oh Mother why did you teach me so to care For even in the deepest sorrow that courses Others blissfully, endlessly, ignorantly, leaned on So the tears are stifled as an empty smile rises  Then suddenly with every sign of happiness they saw The more they wanted, the less despair they tolerated I was not ready to accept their encouragement Because their words were intended for their convenience So now I wait for the loneliness of the night  As your broken smile, your memories and me wander Let the darkness engulf me in all its comfort As it hides my silent mourning a little longer For time with all its love to offer Will not stop telling me that I am stronger And the world with all its patience to render Cannot stop saying c'mon c'mon ...move on...you are stronger 

Why Did You? Why did you come and show me a life That was really never meant for me? Carelessly dreaming with no strife Promising me infinity and beyond Why did you talk about the future When you wouldn't give me your today? Heartlessly waiving my offers of adventure Leaving me nothing but a sometime...someday Why did you not see me losing my fuse With every small rejection and lost opportunity? Always talking about a Neverland, was it just a ruse? Giving me shameless hope, and empty possibility Why did you not have any answers for me When my mind pleaded reason over this blind heart? Was it that I refused to see, your actions that shouted out to see, My darling finally said he, they are just words, its time...lets move on. 

Work For Home A brighter smile they could not be When your team you daily have to see A deeper frown is forever drawn The moment you reach your home's lawn You couldn't catch more bees with that sweetness You have left it for family, oh this bitterness No problem you will do it, in every meeting you say As the dishes lay dirty waiting for you everyday With every congratulation and new responsibility You ignore more family time or bonding opportunity Oh c'mon, your badge of busyness is so heavy If not you, who will understand me, my dearie But soon your hip will be wider and pockets deeper Little ones joining the race and home growing quieter Suddenly your back will be weaker and your boss younger Old friends busier, your opinion less sought after So I say, decline that meeting the world will move on Surprise your family with some tickets, this very dawn This is my last warning for I am time, let be your tomb “He didn’t wo

The One A whole lifetime spent searching for the one Led to paths both young and fun Alas! the mind told, let’s stop this now The hour has come, take on the plough For what you desire lives in books Meant for those with money or looks There is a journey you must take For all the others and your sake So, we walked the road all had taken Too coward, forbid the boat be shaken Feeling a mirth that often left quickly Leaving behind emptiness, oh so gently Oh! but fate is a cruel joker mon ami Never leaving you to truly heal or just be For it works the mind and ignores the soul Moving you on towards the next goal So we chose company as the measure Ignoring passion thinking it was a leisure The mind can be fooled but not the other For he went away, and faded into the cold winter Do come back my dear, I will try harder To love deeper and to laugh louder For hope is my friend and resolve my power I will love you myself, for you ar

Simple Tales In the darkness of the night, she could hear the footsteps getting louder, there was no escape. Either say bye to her hero or, hear an earful from her mother for reading another dirty novel, late into the night. Mother is gone, Father is gone…yay we are all alone. So said Little Johnny, as he dragged out the neighbor’s dead cat to bury it quickly in the yard behind the kitchen.   Today is the day, today I am going to ask her…, there was a soft touch on his shoulder. He came back to reality. Smiled and moved in front and said, one Jumbo large pepperoni double cheese pizza, please.  Loud grunting and soft sighs, sweat all around… but there was no stopping. The passion build up, the music rose and suddenly she decided, that’s enough, got off the thread mill and said, I am stinking I need a shower. It’s going to be hard, there is still time… but as he drowned out the voices, he and his wife proudly looked at a picture of their 5 month old baby who would

Comfort of the Shadows As we walked home from school everyday All eyes were on you without any shame I was always let to be carefree... to run and play But we held onto you tighter to your dismay Little did you know what was lurking out there A lust for those born a certain way You always laughed it off in your ignorance Never to fathom the perverseness of perception Am I bad for envying the attention you got? Or am I bad for the relief I now sought? For while some eyes loved you and your heart Some minds crept over inch they saw While the world told me my reflection could be better I knew that what I was, always kept me safer You were told to laugh less and love carefully While I was cheered on for anyone who loved me dearly Dear sister, I still wish I was born in your likeness Not because thats what the world told me But because it would give me a chance to share in the darkness of your fairness

My Setting Sun (To the one who will never stop loving me) Slowly the waves come calling to you As your radiance gleams with every hue Time is a cruel companion who comes for a visit Only with a question, can this be it? For your time has been spent longing for us While we moved on, never stopping to make a fuss Strangers around us always knew your worth With all your colors that brought forth mirth Every shade that once shouted out brilliance Now cries out to teach us lessons in resilience You have walked on the waters of faith so long Always hoping that we would come along But now it is with gentleness that you linger Not like a loud gong or a sharp splinter You leave us a warmth for the coldness ahead Without worrying about the darkness you will wed Alas, I refuse you to let you fade away my lovely For I don’t want to be dawn without a dusk Because without you what am, I ask Be forever my setting sun, until all of my life’s work

The things you do for me You may not listen to every word I say But you know what I need every day All the little help with the cooking And the continuous time spent cleaning You may not like my every decision But I know you are my man for e very mission For every mile I add to our travel I know you control the need for a battle You may not like the lazy part of me But I know you definitely love my daisy dee All the care you love giving our mom That you are now her son, I have this qualm You may not like my love for the night And I know every day its sleep that you fight But from all of the things you do for me What I love most, is you let me be me

Oh Darkness You rise with resolve at the dusk of every morn With never a blossomed flower to welcome you They spoke first of you in the book of books Oh my child but even today they try to chase you When you approach thoughts spawn in lonely souls But you still smile and set out to protect the homeless Your cold hand stifles the courage of the young girl Oh my child but even today you fight what malice whispers Your cold hand plants doubt in the brave soldier at the post But you still continue to feed the woman of the night You want to help but with you travelers are always lost Oh my child but even today you still want to do what’s right The silence and the dead are your only friends For all come to you but never with trust that is strong or true You were born this way to serve the world Oh Darkness, how your mother needs you but can’t love you!

The Freedom of Expression If you have ever been acquainted with a visually challenged person you will relate to what I am about to write about. For all of us more fortunate than the 7.8 million Indians who live with the challenges of being blind it is difficult to fully grasp the struggles they face on a daily basis.  My eyes were open to this reality when one of my visually challenged friends who came to Chennai to write an exam asked if I would be his scribe for a bank exam he had to give. My first reaction was, he already has a job why can't he be happy. I was immediately ashamed of the fact that I thought, that while its okay for me to pursue bigger dreams, he should be happy with the fact that he 'at least' has a job. To atone myself I immediately joked and asked him if I should also study for the exam, he was only overjoyed that I had agreed.  On the day of the exam I needed to locate where he was waiting for me. In general, giving directions to people i

Every Goodbye One more goodbye as the train pulls out I can only sit back and pout Holding onto memories to take me by And as the winds blow I silently sigh I begin this pray for a hearts that's stronger But one more parting has just left me colder Tomorrow I will build one more wall To shield me as I say another bye to all Once I had promised myself I will not cry, I'm fine I had promised myself I will care less this time I had promised myself I will hurt for none, not again I had promised myself, but I still feel the pain Fate calls me, its time again, come sweet child We have a journey so yet again you say goodbye Paths were taken that cannot be changed And we have to go and don't ask why So I wave out again and hold back that tear As a new prayer crosses my quivering lips And longing knocks at my freezing heart Hope comes along to say, maybe the next goodbye will be the last

Before I Turn 27 Its one hour before I turn 27 I keep wondering how one more year went by in my life. I was thinking what I wanted and what I don't. I thought I would watch just one more movie before it turns 12 and my family will call me. I thought why not just switch off my phone and sleep off, one year back this is what I did. I closed myself from the world. I just hurt the people who love me and thats also just a handful of people.  As the years go by I notice lesser people messaging me and at 10pm today I cried to my sister how my room mate is weighing her options about how she spends her time with me, how my boy friend didnt bother to get me a gift, okay he was sick and all but according to me he should have got me something atleast before I landed in town, how less and less people do things for me.  Then my little sister is good at making me happy and is very convincing but it keeps coming back. What if next year it will be only my two sisters calling and my mo

I Bought A Pregnancy Test A few years back a friend of mine wanted to buy a pregnancy test, she hadn't got her period in sometime and wanted to confirm it first before she told anyone. I never actually thought of this. I always wondered about buying condoms or birth control pills but never about a pregnancy test. A pregnancy scare is something most girls face who are sexually active (I thought of saying most married women face but then I thought what the hell, why play it  safe). So a pregnancy scare comes with many nuances. First, do I tell my partner now? what would be his reaction? What do I want? ...and so on. Apparently these are not questions that only an "unmarried women" woman asks herself but even married women face similar questions in present day situations. They have a similar set of apprehensions like would he be happy with this new situation? his reaction? or the worst would he blame me for"letting" this happen? My friend belonged to the

Give Me Time I know friend my first hesitation hurt badly And I saw the pain in your eyes from my questions. I know you needed a hug then, quite frankly But instead, I gave you cowardly suggestions. I know the time has passed and I don’t live that moment But for you, time doesn't change as you suffer in silence. I know your forgiveness came as atonement For our friendship moves on in full vehemence. I Know they say Love thy neighbor as thy self But now how do I love those who hate you. I know your heart is on a closed closet shelf Crying out to love freely like everyone else too. I know you live a life masked by sarcasm To protect yourself from mockery and intolerance. I know you put up a false enthusiasm For a world that judges with no consequence. I know the time for realization is creeping near So heed my plea and let your resistance not fade away Give me time once again to change this world for you my dear Don’t lose hope for I wa

O Little One O little one, get up, stand up  For today is a new day Even if you are staring at an empty cup  And everything seems filled with dismay O little one, put up a fight  For today cannot be the end.  Even if tears bring comfort and seem right  Remember sadness is a selfish friend O little one, open your ears For today is calling out to you Even if the pain allows new fears Beware the darkness can be inviting too O little one, don’t come to me For today still has your name on it Even if the other side you may see Live on for me like a lamp that’s lit…Live on for me until god finds fit…Live on for me just a little bit

True Likeness The face of God I am to see For I am blessed as I shall see As every morning she opens to me Giving me love deeper than the sea My heart doesn’t long for paradise For God is with me in guise The peace of heaven is on earth As every mother that spreads mirth If God came down I wouldn’t know To kneel down or bow For all my life I thought His Greatness Was in her ... His true likeness

A Mothers Plea When all have forgotten my son’s braveness, In the quiet of the darkness I ask myself did my son die in vain, And is all this worth a mother’s pain. When all around is death and sorrow, And my son was fighting for a better tomorrow.  I beg the world to end the hate, Before this world fades and it’s too late. When dawns this day of peace’s victory, It will be a celebration for history. But I pray that hour may come soon, Before the silence of the graveyard in the ruin

An ode to this century We live in times where wants are planted While needs remain to be granted Where power alone can speak And truth has become meek We live in times where we forgot to enjoy a sunny may And curse the rain that ruined the pathway Where the rich abuses the earth While the poor man cleans it for a penny’s worth We live in times where children feel in a cage, Wait for youth and then detest old age  We live today only to regret yesterday And forever hope tomorrow will be a better day We live in times where we work to repay what we borrow Give up on love and gather only sorrow Home becomes only a place to rest Filled with things that we may need, lest We live in times where we have stopped wishing for freedom And desire innocence more seldom Where privacy has become a luxury Even if it leaves others in quiet misery We live in times where change is crying for help Bravery is reduced to a timid yelp And we go on li

Until I dance When the notes start tricklin And I am on the street standin There’s a move that screams to be free For I want nothing else than to be me Mother wonders if a man will like my dance For a girl is allowed only a prance But nothing brings joy other than this For I want nothing else than what I miss My friends think I am on something But who cares I want to swing   So give me my song this one last chance For I am nothing else until I dance 

I came back to Hyderabad today from Kerala with lots of banana chips and black halwa, eager to tell all about Kerala, little did I realise was that I didnt know whether to say I went home (naade) or I went for a vacation. And therefore the origin of this post. I have had 2 main weaknesses in life, sports and language. The former I had sporadic trysts with and the latter I indulge in when the situation demands it from me. I speak English fluently and I would be an above average in India and may be satisfactory in countries where English is the most widely spoken language. I have always been cautious with Hindi and my Telugu would be a 3 on ten, but I can get across the message and understand it very well. Malyalam has always been troublesome for me. I come from a mixed background being 75% malyalee and 25% goan-portuguese. But we decided we wanted to be Malyalees because it is what we could identify with. For the record, I am a loyal Malyalee (if there is something like that), always s